Lesson 1
Identifying a mallu
1.Food: one word : COCONUTS….
2. One of the simplest ways of identification, is a unique clothe style called the “lungi” or its formal counterpart the “mundu”. In general both can be defined as : “Hanging piece of clothe starting from the waist - covers till legs when worn normally, but can be folded up at times of aggression, casual walks or for intended “cool” looks.” Differentiating a lungi from a mundu is just a matter of identifying the maximum number of colors mixed into a design that can only be found in some psychedelic Media Player Visualizations.. But wait! Its not as simple as it sounds. There is a specific way the lungi is tied in kerala.. See picture for future identification reference.
3.He’s not wearing a lungi, but you think he’s a mallu? Talk to him… A classic touch which mallus give to their pronunciation of words is a complete inability to stop breathing sound, even when the word has ended. The Result : Words with “sound tails” . You’ll hear a lots of fooduh, drinksuh, whatuh…
4.You think there’s no lungi and the word-brake system is flawless? Keep Talking! Just try to make sure he uses words with the proper “identification vowels”. Things you could look out for: Modification, pollution, parents - Watch out for the totally unintended “ohhh”s of realization and the “aah”s of retardness if you stop them at the right places in the middle of these words.
Another technique to identify a mallu is to get him to meet another one. Now here are some characteristic conversations you may hear.
2 MALLUS
Mallu1 : Hi. I’m from Kerala
Mallu2: Ohh. Evidenna (Where from? )
M1: Ohh…malayaleeya, le. Njan Cochin. Evidenna? (Oh..malayalee,uh? I’m from
Its like peace wont settle into their mallu reunion unless they assure each other they are not neighbors* or long lost brothers!
*Neighbor(in mallu) : anyone within 20km from your home town.
Mallu with NRI Mallu
Mallu : I’m from Kerala
NRI Mallu : Oh. I’m a malayalee too.
Mallu : oh.nice. where from ?
NRI Mallu : Dubai (or Oman, muscat etc..)
And then there’s that awkward pause where Mallu waits for the NRI to realize his intentions of asking the question were as explained before, at the same time recalling which of his mother’s uncle’s son’s in-law’s friend works in the same place. As soon as NRI Mallu realizes his mistake and utters the name of the biggest city within 50 km of his actual place, the mallu bonding starts and the NRI prefix is lost into a happy reunion.
And to top it all, we have the irresistible urge to zoom in and congregate with anyone and anything that seems even remotely mallu!
And some Malluism :
1.No place, work or title shall be left unexplored
2.Every famous person worth something would have their roots, really deep down somewhere interacting with one mallu or the other
3.Mohanlallll. Mammoootyyyy
4.Where there is land, there is a malayalee and hence a Kerala restaurant.
Well no offense people.. I’m one typppickal mallu and totally out of ideas for now. Until the next time.
Tataa…..
15 comments:
breathing sound eh? looks like u examined urself thoroughly b4 ryting this... :P
provided a good laugh though!!
no lungi, perfect accent, and modification and all sounds cool then what do u do?? You look at their names... They spell Shankar as Shanker :P :P
Good one man..tho i wanted to write one abt lungi myself!!
@both : Why cant u just right ur names in the title so i dont have to go on an online investigation spree!!
@One Weird guy : yup...had to try it out loud in office.. :P
@whatsupdoc? : i think i hold very strong on identification technique 4 to say the least.. :)
i guess its done so that u do click on our names and visit our sites (im speaking for u too here joel), a publicity stunt..and yah!! my bad.. didnt read between the lines!!!
Hey! You! Be a Man! We find connections with every single famous person as INDIANS! Not only as Mallus! Come on! Be a Man!
@Kartik : Well i did not consider the bigger picture yet.. I meant every famous indian..WTH! :)
lol..GELLF!!!
It's a good thing that you actually acknowledge your mallu-ness instead of defending it like the other foolish ones ;) Loved the post!
And the new layout as well :)
@PJ : thanks for pointing them out...
@abhinav
shankar as shanker!! nice one!
@shanker
he he! as abhinav said, thts an advantage! plus its too much of a bother to actually sign out and comment!!
Hee hee =))
Aetu pazhamanu aettavum madhuram-ullathu?
Answer: Coconut :D
Dude, you seem to have forgotten 2 major speech related signs exhibited by the species. Some examples from the recent past:
1) Stress on the sound 'u' or 'uh' at the end of every sentence - Situation : December. At a 'club' that could apparently hold 300 people, the owner mentions that the entry cost includes 'drinksu' and 'snacksu'.
2) Pronounce the letter 't' in the most high pitched full trebled tone possible -
Situation : 2 weeks ago. A guy with a jiggle in his shoulder advises his chinki friend over phone to 'getttttiiin'...
He he. Loved 3rd point.
But you can do much better than this...
@Joseph : thanks a lot man...this was more of a "force myself out of joblessness" post..boosts my ego with ur comment. :)
English words murdered by Keralites (Malayalees) and other Indians:
kangaroo (the worst offended word, Malayalees/Indians pronounce as “kanGAROO” instead of “KANgroo”)
mixed, fixed (pronounced as 'miksed', 'fiksed' instead of 'miksd', 'fiksd')
bear, pear, wear (pronounced as ‘biyar’, ‘piyar’, 'wiyer' instead of ‘beye’, ‘peye’, 'weye')
Queen (prounounced as “kyuun” instead of “kween”)
form (pronounced as ‘farum’ instead of “fom”)
volume (books) (pronounced as "vaalyam' instead of "volyum")
biennale (pronounced as “binale” instead of “bienale”)
place names – Ohio, Seattle, Utah (pronounced as “ohiyo, seetl, ootha” instead of “ohayo, siyatl, yuta”)
turtle (pronounced as ‘turrrtil’ instead of “tutl” )
Mascot Hotel (pronounced as “muskut HOtel” instead of “MAScot hoTEL”)
heart (pronounced as ‘hurrt’ instead of “haat”)
auto (pronounced as "aaatto" instead of "otto")
bass (pronounced as ‘baas’ instead of “beis”)
twitter (speaker) (pronounced as “tyooter” instead of “twiter”)
birthday (pronounced as “birthaday” instead of “buthdei”)
garage (pronounced as “garej” instead of “gaRAZH/gaRAJ”)
chassis (pronounced as “chasis” instead of “shasi”)
pizza (pronounced as "pisa" instead of "pitza")
our (pronounced as "avar" instead of "aue")
flour (pronounced as "flower" instead of "flaue")
alarm (pronounced as "alarum" instead of "alaam")
film (pronounced as "filim" instead of 'film')
little (pronounced as "littil" instead of 'litl')
Sultan's Battery (place name) (pronounced as "Soolthan Batheri" instead of "Sultan's Batri")
divorce (pronounced as "daiverse" instead of "divors")
Tortoise (pronounced as ‘tortois’ instead of “totis” )
November (pronuonced as "NOVember" instead of "noVEMber")
one (pronounced as "onn" instead of "wun")
beer (pronounced as "biiir" instead of "biye")
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