Edutainment??

The coincidence is STUNNING. An unplanned post exactly after a year!!

What every student seeks in his/her years of education are different techniques to stay entertained. I have to admit that the modes of entertainment vary a lot over the years. By this I do not just mean the “generation difference” which is highlighted by the advent of mobile phones right at your finger tips, to chat, message and play. I mean the difference between what is possible in your school life, under graduate and post graduate. The fact that I have experienced all three and experimented across the years is both a matter of pride and concern. Pride, for obvious reasons and concern coz if I wanted to study so much I would have become a doctor! (No offense to more than 50% of my family).

Although I do not want to go into details of the fundamental avenues of entertainment in classrooms like talking, hitting the person next to you, staring longingly at your latest crush etc., I will all the same for the benefit of the confused, give an idea of the difference across different courses. In schools there was a limitation to how much freedom our hands had. A question used in one of my blog posts earlier, “Why is there so much noise, are you writing with your mouth?”, if not analyzed for its sheer logical idiocy actually signifies the need to constantly write down what is being taught. Over the years, this need has decreased due to two reasons – the need of education changed and the “no need” attitude of students increased. Moving onto an under-grad course, it called for a different classroom setting. The mistake in analyzing this would be the fact that different students have different experiences here. But on the whole the scope for entertainments increased since the students were older, bolder and the topics were boring and tough.

Experiencing a post-grad course now, I found the need to list out 3 techniques of entertainment in class which I occasionally implement. Since the classification under academic circumstances, I have felt free to use relevantly catchy self-proclamations for my techniques.

1. “SAME” Technique: This is a beautiful technique which I have only had the opportunity to implement once or twice. The attractiveness lies in the fact that it achieves a dual advantage of remaining active in class while giving an image of being attentive as well. The execution requires utmost care and timing. All it involves is paying 2 minutes of attention or even lesser. As soon as the faculty asks a question wait for someone to raise their hands and be noticed. At once raise your own hand. This can also be done if you don’t even hear the question and just see the raised hands. Be very careful you don’t get his/her attention before anyone else. The crowning moment of this technique is in the reaction given once you are called for an answer, after the first person. With utmost conviction you go “Sir(Madam), Same point”..The intention is to give an absolutely disappointed look with a shrug of the shoulder to ensure that the faculty feels guilty for not having called you first.

Courtesy : thebadchemicals.com

2.Random Number method : This one is much more simpler and fun. As soon as a question beginning with the word “How many…” is put to the class, start shouting numbers. This can also be used as a two or more player game with the victor being the person closest or furthest from the required answer. Other variations of this include “Guess That Place”, “Who’s that Guy” etc. which originate from random guesses as obviously applicable

3. Shouting Along Phenomenon : Now one thing that has stayed constant throughout the year is the visualization of the difference between combined knowledge and individual knowledge of the students. As soon as the tutor asks a question, the entire class knows the answer but not one single person does. This phenomenon of shouting out answers and theories all pointing to the same answer for the careful listener is in fact something that can be analysed by itself. The method originated years ago from the gypsy fortune tellers. Their technique of throwing out words so that the listener hears what he wants to hear, has been adapted beautifully by students everywhere and of all ages. Although an insult to the historic origins of such a respected method of classroom participation, this too can be used as a perfect source of entertainment. The techniqueis simple. As soon as the class starts answering shout along. But the fun is in challenging yourself to be more creative. My initial days began with words related to the respective subjects. I have moved on successfully to movie names and the occasionally comic references. There is a slight requirement to know that subject, so that you avoid saying the right answer accidentally and being dragged into the discussion.

All these techniques have been tested and proved but at the same time there are two warnings:

- Use at your own discretion

- Do NOT use it in the class I am in. I can’t have two people saying “Sir, Same point”!!

*Author is noted for his unique multitasking ability to keep himself entertained while pissing people off at the same time.

You want privacy? You wish!!!

Privacy invasion hit me hard… But luckily for them it hit me on the funny bone.. (Frankly, I’m not sure if that is supposed to make me feel that things are funnier or less funnier but let us go ahead with my initial assumption.). I have only heard of the risks of putting up your pictures for all of FaceBook to see. And also of the horrible things that is carried out in “Yossarian Speaks”. But a deadly combination of both over a period of time, along with a nonsensical game show by a renowned (they wish!) TV channel ended up in quite a hilarious infringement of any privacy laws that may be in this country.

I shall introduce the situation from a first person perspective. Imagine yourself to be casually having a good weekend with your family. As all families who complain about the television ruining the family unity, you are all gathered around it in an unnaturally abnormal and apparently non-evident sense of unity to watch some particular show. And as the whole room looks on, there pops up your picture.. right there! Right when everyone is watching, you are on TV! And you have no damn clue how! Worse yet, you are on TV coz the channel wants the viewers to wonder, if you are the son of some random guy!! No no… NOT the son of YOUR father but supposedly more honourable that you have a 0.25 probability of being the son of that famous guy on screen. Now in case some of you do not have the extreme imaginative capabilities required for this exercise. Here is a sample video of how it might look if you were me :

Subtitles :

Only cute lady on the whole set (from now on CL) : Who is the son of Murali Mohan? Option A

CL : No? you don’t know the color of his jeans?

Lady in brown saree hiding her goatee(??) (LG) : *shakes head* B

CL : Option B

LG : hmm…this looks less random.. let

me see C

CL : Option C

- Nefdyl Cold: Blah blah blah blahu>

CL: Do you have matching jeans for that shirt? Or atleast some lungi mayb?

..

Option D

LG: yes yes…matchin lungi for this I have.

CL : Ok..Option B and Option D have nothing to do with Kerala

LG : I miss option A.Can I see all 4 pictures?

Program editor : I’m so smart!

Viewers : Wow..all famous people..so lucky fellows, no…

Me: WHAAAAATTTT!!!!

And while this whole ordeal is happening the rest of the family watching with you can be picturised as below:

Well so that's that i'm apparently a TV star now, thanks to FB,google and a side dish usually had with dosa or vada (http://yossarianspeaks.wordpress.com/2010/01/15/gossip-girl-3/).

*Video courtesy Youtube; Picture courtesy : Family guy on my hard disk (And that's how it's done!!)

Dial C for Cheta...

It isn’t what is said that matters but what is meant. The tone alone can convey what you are trying to say even without the words being right. And that is how a person can survive in whichever linguistic region he goes to….*SCREEEECH*

Atleast that’s what I thought until I had that stupid incident on a bus in Chennai. There I was peacefully….oh wait..let me get that right. There I was nervously standing in the bus with one hand holding the top bar, another on a seat trying hard not to get too close to the neck of the person sitting there. Aw..comon.you know what I’m talking about. That posture you maintain in the bus, when you don’t know where you are supposed to be getting down. With your head somewhere below the elbow of your raised hand , looking out like one of those hens they show on cartoons scratching the floor and trying to find at least one place which looked familiar! Well, there I was standing in the above mentioned manner when I happened to see an unexpected face at a bus stop we just passed. All excited to spot a friend out there, I thought I’d get down there, chit chat with the old chap and catch the next bus. Being a mallu, quite naturally as the blood that runs through my veins I started : “Chetaaa..Chetaaa…Stop..Chetaaa” (Ask that mallu friend of yours..). Baffled by the absolute disinterest shown by the the “Cheta” on board, I thought for a while and it hit me. Ofcourse! I was in Chennai.. No one is a cheta there!! “Anna..stoooopp..Anna”… And I had hit the right note! The bus stopped at once and a very pleased guy bounced out of the bus. But sadly enough, this whole process and the thoughts involved did not take place at the lightning speed I might have preferred. In effect there I was, stuck somewhere in Chennai with not my friend or my destination in sight.

Setting aside all happy memories of that day, let me get to the point. Whatever they told you about being in a new place was a BIG lie! NO! The first thing people learn in another region is NOT how to swear. That would come somewhere between the first thing and “How are you”. The first thing anyone learns is to call a stranger on the road – an auto driver, the shopkeeper, the guy who you want to ask directions to... I’ve seen my share of people visiting Kerala and besides the occasional buddy of ours who was taught completely irrelevant and censored stuff that even I didn’t know then, almost everyone else knew one word in common – “Cheta” (Brother). Okay, I don’t want to come out as a male chauvinist here. As the occasion called for, they did use “Chechi” as required too. But you could get by anywhere with those magical words. “Cheta, tea”, “Cheta, juice”, “Cheta, this” and “Cheta, that”. Ofcourse, next up in the words most understood by non-mallus came poda and patti but I’ll refrain from going into the details since this is not about the “Mallus”. Oh..by the way…there is a HUUUGE difference between “Cheetaa” and “Chetta”. (Ask that mallu friend again)

Tamil Nadu had the characteristic Anna as referenced before, which meant the same as Cheta – brother. And the utility of this word is pretty much the same there too – “Anna,tea”, “Anna, coffee”, “Anna university” and the likes.

I have not yet discovered what it is in Karnataka, but I have heard that you can get by with an interchangeable use of “Cheta”, “Anna” and the sorts. I shall not venture into the North since, as all below Mumbai are Madrasis, I am going to irrationally assume that it should be “Bhaiyya” everywhere (Foreigners, ask that Indian friend of yours. Yes yes..the mallu itself..he’ll know at least that much Hindi). One trend I DID notice ofcourse was that everyone was your brother: the rickshaw guy, bus conductor, even the guy younger than you who you need something from.

But then again, 1.5 years in A.P and I have learnt to use a new word. It could be due to the possibility of a majority wanting to badly dismember and swear at the person holding the actual title as referenced by this word but extensive use of it has ruined the title holder’s value. And not to mention the condescending manner in which it is uttered : “Boss”. There are variations to how it is said : “Booss”, “Booasss”, “Boohse”, “B-hose” etc etc.. Oh! This just in..apparently its catching up in Karnataka too. Well as long as I get the things I want done without having to walk over and poke the person or wave my hands crazily in front of him, I’m happy to call him anything. So I got no complaints. Besides, you know what they say " When in rome…

DISCLAIMER: This post was not intended to insult any region or faction of the society but if in ANY way you feel hurt or offended, Thankyou for reading.

Who we are....

Over the last 2 days I have been on a mission of searching for long lost contacts. People I shared incidents in my life with 18, maybe 19 years ago. People with whom I grew up, who I always took for granted at that age. But regardless of the extensive utility of social networks, I was unable to locate any of them. Well, the fault isn’t completely on those addictive time-consumers, coz it really is hard to remember full names from that age! And add to that the extensive collection of Indian names with their multitude of possible combinations along with minor variations which could include - the addition of an “h”, removal of an “a” and the occasional “…ia” instead of the commonly assumed “…ya” - and you have a huge database to go through. Of course even if I get a name right, identification based on their facial features would be a near impossibility as I have practically no clue what they would have changed into now. And let’s not forget the distractions posed by the empty pangs of hope that “that particular profile pic could be my friend now…or I wish it is. Maybe I should drop a message and find out. If not the old one, a new friend made.SCORE!”.

Anyhow, the relevant point here is that I didn’t make any new friends NOR find the old ones. But it made me wonder. It made me wonder about the people, the people that were around us and the people that may or may not be around us in the future. In effect it made me think about how we are, what we are…

I may sound like I’m turning 70 next month, the way I put it. But the fact is that our life, and more importantly, who we are has basically been a culmination of incidents – both big and small- over the ages. It could be as big as falling in love and breaking your heart, or as small as choosing where to sit in class. The butterfly effect phenomenon plays a huge role in making void any possible measurement of the impact of these incidents. The same circumstances would give completely different outcomes to different people. How one incident impacts a person, would depend on how he/she assimilates it. Recursively, this depends on the incidents before it. Thus, at any particular point the Past adds up, to help read the Present and thus, define our Future.

The question here is for how long does this last. Could it be an endless relation where every single day we learn? This would imply that every day we change something in ourselves. A minor touch here, a slight push there , to try and perfect who we are. As I type it, it sounds like the most possible thing but how big are these changes as compared to how they were possibly ten years ago!! Somewhere along the line the base was made; what is inside had been largely fixed and sealed. All ongoing changes are purely superficial, and sometimes just a temporary volatile addition . A change to who we are, how we think, how we react will require harder work; breaking open the seal to rebuild the base.

But on the whole, can we change who we are? Would we WANT to change who we are? What defines how a person is supposed to be? Every person is simultaneously in the right and the wrong when he reacts the way he does. He is right in his eyes since his actions are defined by his ethics, thoughts and experiences. At the same time, for someone else his actions could be interpreted to be defiant, unethical and even outright vicious. So how exactly do we define the change that is required? Aahhh..who knows J

Fighting a Block - Random BS

I have unfortunately struck a weird sort of writer’s block. Anything I seek to write comes out purely in a philosophical manner. Does this mean I have grown old, mature and more serious? Now I see why they complain about growing up!! I have been on a soul searching (coincidentally, also a sole searching, after a glass went up my leg!) mission to regain that cracking sense of humor which if applied in a 350 page book would have given me a review - “ a script so funny you would need Jim Carrey and Eddie Murphy to do justice* to the roles”.

*Fine, its for Jim and Eddie fans. A mallu version goes – “Cochin Haneefa and Jagathy”. And while we’re at it, though late, respect to the versatile actor.

So after a much needed boost of ego and patting myself on the pat, let me see where I can go with this. The need of the moment is to be able to successfully complete a post without having to refer to key philosophical words viz life, mind, chicken soup, opportunity, reason, BS, optimism, pessimism, (infact *ism for that matter.) In a completely unrelated thought sequence, notice how I have given myself credit by calling a total inability to write a writer’s block, and thus referring to myself as a writer; and consequently in the line following, highlighting that what I (may) have tried writing is philosophical, in the true sense of the word!! Desperate times lead to desperate measures I guess.. I have been out of any particularly useful ideas what with the world proving itself to be unbelievably humorous. And please note by “world”, I totally imply a set dominated by the CWG committee and its press releases. The one that ripped me up was Lalit Bhanot’s release where exceptional standard was shown, when he used the word standard 8 times in a sentence that highlighted how the Games Village was “the clean”. His reference to the difference between the cleanliness standards of the rest of the world and “the” Bhanot’s, while apparently implying India, (quite obviously a technique to enable the possibilities of a white-lie-denial), was hilarious.. Quite sadly, googling him titled him as the Delhi Games Spokesperson. With spoke(s) like those, no wonder the wheel wouldn’t move so well.

But then again, all is well that ends well. Though I still haven’t been able to get my hands on a “full stream-able video which can made to be looked like a client system or atleast something less colorful” copy of the Commonwealth games, few sections which I managed to see while swapping between that and a horribly bad Malayalam movie, were really good.. Long sentence short, CWG inauguration good, mallu movie Utharaswayamvarm suicidal!!

And since we are on the topic, CWG totally had a ossumm (mallu dictionary : n : (pronounced ohssome) : awesome) “Chendakottu” representation.. Ha! The amazing feeling you get when you realize you have seen a part of the same thing which people paid thousands for, while you were walking(rather dozing) reluctantly, half naked, next to an elephant, is brilliant. But yes, setting aside the localized smugness in seeing a huge mallu representation, on the whole India was at her best..

So kudos to India and real proud of her ability (at least to the extent it is) to integrate such a huge cultural variety. Well…hoping to be able to come up with more relevant posts and with a plan to foray into micro blogging, that’s all the BS there is for now. J

Doing the "Right" thing...

As a rule, I’m a person who hates all generalizations. But one thing I will never deny is that every single person in this world has, at least once, come across a point in his/her life when he wondered if the step he was going to take next is the right thing to do. The turmoil in his thoughts at that moment is NOT a debate between good and evil; not even of right or wrong. As confusing as that statement may be, the actual question is what defines an act, a thought, to be right. Completely contrasting considerations could be evaluated to be simultaneously right. And there is no defined process to make the decision making process any easier.

At times it is about debating whether to follow the heart or the head, both being logically adept in their own rights. For a decision pertaining to the self can any man (or woman) think in such a way as to ignore one over the other? While the latter may provide a more factual and aloof assessment, the other is emotional and subjective. Rarely do we see an occasion where the duo combines to give the most reasonable choice. A decision that effectively combines both in the perfect proportion would be the ultimate one. Sadly enough, that perfect combination is highly improbable and maybe even completely hypothetical. An emotional detachment can never be achieved in any of our actions. This would require an amnesic erasure of our thoughts, memories and feelings. In effect it is a wish to deny ourselves what we claim/know makes us, who we are.

A utopian world would be based on the fictional Vulcans, where decisions are analyzed, dissected and made free of errors. Nevertheless, emotional as mankind has always been seen to be, we tend to swerve towards what the heart has to say than the other way round. When we follow signs, have faith or resign decisions to destiny, in effect we are moving into the realm of the heart. A state where right or wrong is decided by the amount of emotional satisfaction you receive. The irony here, being the fact that any sort of comfort that the considered choice may give us is purely dynamic and the same goes for the decision taken. It is based on erratic standards which by themselves are defined by even more fickle variables. And in all we have a perfect recipe for maximum turmoil.

More often than not, there is no right or wrong. The logical choice is what is analytically absolute while the emotional one is satisfyingly complete. Sometimes the head says it just is good to go with the flow. But when there was something you wanted with all your heart, have you ever been able to truly let go.. J

Dreams - A Vent

Like any other piece of art that employs a storyline or even a basic line of thought, dreams in their own way have genres. They might not necessarily be classifiable along the broader lines of action, comedy, romance, “bollywood” style etc. but they can definitely be categorized. The major obstacle that lies in the path of this listing is the fact more than 80% of all dreams are forgotten when you wake up. But then there are the others which stay on, and more importantly are worth staying on. Any sort of categorizations that will be done by me would unluckily be based on personal experiences. It never was worth the trouble to go around asking people about their dreams. Besides such a question would elicit the more “considered” responses of “Doctor”, “ Prime minister”, blah blah..etc etc.. For the record, this is more of a personal vent than a definite analysis.

A very broad classification for dreams is fictional and non-fictional. As per my own dictionary¹ these, respectively, imply those that involve random people whose face you can’t put a name on and those that concern you and familiar faces. The former rarely involves the dreamer and would usually turn out to be amazing “dream stories” . Now ..how shareable these stories are would be governed by their ability to get past the average censor board. The key factor about these dreams is that, on a daily basis they would not affect your real-life; they would mostly be whims, imaginary stories, fantasies, random scenic locations. All thought up and perfected to give your senses a treat. The second kind of dreams – the one which accounts for you as a key character - on the other hand gives more of an emotional bias than a sensory one. There are the weird dreams which you wake up from feeling..wellll..weird.. You wonder why the dream took the direction it did; why the characters were who they were, how that could apply to your activities that day. Have you not had one of those days when you dreamt about a person who might have been a casual acquaintance in a more than casual setting? Imagine the feeling you felt on waking up to realize who it was. That’s the feeling I am talking about! Worse, are the dreams, which make you feel good. You wish you would not have to wake up from them. These non fictional ones don’t just tingle your senses, it gives you an emotional satisfaction which can or cannot be attained in real life. But when they may not, that’s when waking up is going to be a big pain! The story may not linger, the characters may fade away but inevitably the emotion you felt will stay with you, as a haunting tease. What gives it the killer touch is to want the dream all over again knowing completely regarding its authenticity!!

It would not be too much of a generalization to state that every individual has had instances where he has dreamt about something or possibly a part of it before it actually happened. For a fact, I have 6? Ya 6 I believe.. situations where I’ve dreamt and felt it, before or while something happened. Deciphering dreams, Dream interpretations, dream dictionary..there are hundreds of theories flying around about dreams. Most people believe that our dreams are related to our last possible thought before entering deep slumber. But personally, this phenomenon has not been the case. The dreams have proven to be random, erratic, and totally nonsensical at times!

The question is..how much would you trust a dream? Is it a sign or just a passing thought… Would you be able to know what in your memory, was a dream and what was real life? Dream on….

*Author swears inception did not have any influence on his thoughts and the post is purely based on circumstantial situations.

Ref 1 : Lined up in posts to come – “Making my own dictionary”

Complimenting - An ART!!

They say it’s the thought that counts. From years of experience, I can confidently say “I couldn’t disagree more!!” It is apparently an art you really have to master to survive in the world. I’m not talking about honing the hidden sycophant skills or trying to be that detested person who’s got his lips all over the wrong cheeks! Even a casual day’s conversation does not seem to pass off as reasonable unless it is inundated, at least ever so slightly, with a few words of praise. The whole deal becomes troublesome when the target of the compliment tries to read- in to the casual statement. There are 2 possible scenarios which end up making the whole art of complimenting a topic to be discussed:

1. Too Little Too Late – Let’s say you want to appreciate it, him/her. But you’re not the typical compliment giving individual. Inevitably whatever you say in an attempt to make it a casual statement would be preyed on as being too little. Worse yet would be the interpretation that since you have not praised it high and far, you must DEFINITELY be making fun of it!! I have tried to explain, without much luck, to many people that my art of complimenting would involve subtle hints and rare direct comments. Never works out though.. You really have to put it across in words that could put Keats to shame! That brings us to the second scenario…

2. Too Much – Now if you fall under the category of people who genuinely want to compliment, then you have to be careful about your intended target. There are cases where the statements would be unadulterated , “from the heart”, but still will be twisted and construed to be taken as an insult or a mocking. But more often than not, the intended target would appreciate the comment. This is the basic “funda” behind compliments wherein people ALWAYS want to feel good.

This evaluation will lead to the conclusion than in reality it might be better to be artificially mocking than genuinely casual! J

It is not just giving a compliment that’s an art; receiving one too is quite a pain to master. Many a time I have been told how smart and handsome I am but I just don’t know how to take all that attention! Who are we kidding! But I assume the point is made. There are the sorts who would grill you till you make a compliment and then others who wouldn’t know how to react for a genuine one. What would a normal response be to a genuine compliment? The various interpretations that can be derived due to the many variety of people around, risks a response to be limited to a murmur and a shrug. But then again, even that would come out as a haughty wat of putting “Oh..I know!.what to doooo…”. How about the casual harmless ”thankyou”? But then again, that too comes off as “ya ya…I completely agree I’m awesome”. Then, there is the other group who will deem you as the worst thing that happened in this world after Edward did to the Vampire clan. Irrespective of whether you perceive them to be deserving of a compliment or not, you HAVE to say it! They rarely have an issue with responding to appreciation. If they do, it would be the funniest thought process conceivable :

*Before Compliment : “Why won’t he say I look good. Disgusting Guy”

*After compliment : “.Say something.. say something!!" "Aww...Teehee.” *giggle**giggle* *PUKE*!!

When you ask for it, more often than not, you are ready for it! So they definitely know what to say.

This post is definitely not a lesson on giving or receiving a compliment. Coz frankly, I’m the last person you could approach for that. But before signing it off , here are the NEVER MIX and MATCH combinations.

· Never mix and match a person who compliments less, with a compliment seeker. If this ever happens, you are in for a lot of complaining and accusations!

· Never mix and match an extensive “complimentor” with one who can’t take it. Misunderstanding and misinterpretations are inevitable.

So bring it on! I can take it. Compliment me all you want!

P.S : The dripping artificiality in this post makes it one of my worst ever!

Of Queues, Lifts and Dimwits

Running out of ideas always leads to the desperate effect of having to mix a few smaller ones. With the “Random Thoughts” series boring even me out, on a second read, I thought I’d account some view points on everyday matters that we talk about. Another topic to be handled was “Toilets, And what we do in them”. Well…not exactly a part of my daily conversation as they are of my daily activities but when it came up, I really did have some ideas of my own. But that’s a story for another day...

DISCLAIMER: Opinions listed below are sadly made from observation of Indians

From casual analysis and jobless statistics taken from across work, malls and any reasonable conglomeration of human beings which I have attended, there is good reason to believe that the act of having to wait in line for your turn is somehow a herculean task for them. There are a few possible scenarios where this impatience is highlighted and really gets on your nerves.

Scenario 1: The Normal Queue

Now here we all are.. Waiting in line for our turn to get a ticket, get some food etc. And in comes our protagonist. Now there are terms such as “like he owns the place”, “like it’s his father’s house” etc which can state in a clichéd manner the arrogance involved, but let’s go deep into that dimwitted skull of his. What would a person, who cuts in, actually be thinking?

JA: Ooohhh.. There’s a huge line of people standing. I wonder whats up?

*Notices a girl 100 meters away looking in the completely opposite direction

JA : She looks cute! Must play hard to get… I’m so smart..

*Reaches the end of line

JA : Wow! There are 23 people in front of me. If I walk ahead 8 spaces there will be 15 in front of me and 8 behind me. I wonder how many people will be there in the queue at that time.

*Moves ahead 8 spaces by just barging in

*Counts on fingers

JA : Now there are 24 people in the line.Dooooooddd awessssommmme! This is fun.. Should try again.

And with this retarded line of thought, which in his mind seems purely logical and quantitatively practical, the hero cuts across 23 stunned faces to discover its always 24. At this point he realizes he’s at the head and does not require any more mind numbing exercises to keep him busy and carries on with the task at hand.

(Adaptation is purely author’s imagination. Expectations have been kept at maximum)

Scenario 2 : The Double-Ended queue

Now sadly enough, there are times when the head of a queue cannot be specifically pointed out, especially if you are new around. These can get really irritating if, at some point of time, there are 10 people on one side and 2 on the other facing the initial group like someone called for a Wild West shootout! The reasoning capabilities of the duo would amaze you and I can’t even bare to imagine what goes through that head of theirs. You end up wondering whether the whole point of standing in the queue all this while was to be given the honor of coming face to face with these stunning minds. There they stand with a smug smile which could almost be interpreted as “Bwahahah… Noone else saw the shortcut. I am so sma…” *SLAP*. Totally worth it!

Scenario 3 : The Lift

Now the final group described here are the lift takers. These again can be split into 2 groups which sometimes overlap to create an unbelievably arrogant bunch of lift “goons”.

The first group consists of the ones coming in. You don’t need a phD to know that a lift is smaller than the waiting area and people who want to come out would definitely prefer to be out. Unless you happen to be really good looking and of the gender that interests them, rarely would they want to wait and watch how you enter before deciding to walk out themselves. But as fate may have it, this train of thought never passes their impatient minds and they just assume that anyone who wants out should have taken the floor above.

The second group makes up the Ronaldos of the lift. You know that pose he strikes before taking a free kick and also of the arrogance involved in it; well that’s exactly how they stand at the door of the lift.
Anyone who wants to go out will have to go “over their dead body” or will just have to wait for his floor. You could also try crawling past his legs but then you have to watch out for the entering goons.

The scenarios listed are definitely not an exhaustive list but they ARE some of the highlighted ones. Usual lines which you could use at such scenarios include : “Excuse me.”, “Please stand in the queue” or the typical Indian, “uhh..Halo mister??”.

And then there are the more complicated ones :

- “You think we are standing for fun?” (Cliched)

- *Handing cash to guy : “While you’re at it could you get mine too?”

Well there are lots I’m raring to try since I regretfully face a lot of them. So if you got any more, keep them coming.. J

By the way I never say I’ve not done the same (though I always try not to) but then again I already admitted to be a hypocrite. Bwahahah…

Shanker

Fanfare makes a fair fan???

So what exactly is it that gives people this all-so-famous fake feeling of ownership. To begin with I have to admit that I am not a hard core supporter of any team; in any sport. Unless there is India, an Indian or a fellow mallu (Indian again but with deeper traceable roots allowed) involved I wouldn’t exactly be able to pick a team. But extreme peer pressure and the need to have something to look forward to while tipping my drink, always makes me pick a side.

All games which don’t involve our country require me to go through a tedious process of elimination to choose a team to root for. Now for the record, this does NOT involve morsels of food placed in boxes within my reach. In the case of such a situation arising, the decision would be purely based on quantity, given that the quality is maintained the same.

Anyway…. I do not consider this “inability” a curse; (No! I am not referring to the morsel-craving; back to the game) I would rather say it’s a relief, since on the occasion of a defeat to the exalted winner- of the aforementioned nomination procedure - I can still go on leading a normal life without feeling the need to proclaim my ability to play better than the players who live by it. I am also lucky to be exempted from that feeling of ownership I was talking about, where I have to deal with the pressure of “My/Our team is playing today” , “We always come back from behind” or worse yet the decisions such as “I think we should play XYZ instead of PQP today”!!!

The enthusiasm shown by these kinds of “fans” (read multitalented personnel who can pitch in as player/coach/owner) can only be understood with the ultimate ability of imagination and spirituality, to the extent of nirvana, which cuts you off from the real world. Their(senseless) belief that the team they support and they themselves merge into one, can only be compared to the Supreme Being concept of the fictional planet Gaia of Foundation Series*. The sadder thing though is the non-existent timeline for these nerve creeping fans. Not even the players would bother about that 32^nd minute mistake made 3 years ago. But our folks would hear nothing of it – a victory is an expected elation while a mistake is an anecdote for life! A conversation over coffee would be decorated with “My team…that day…”..”We should have scored”..Even the lower limit of the year of birth would not hinder their memories what with “WE” winning in 1912, 1956, 1987 and not to mention 2034. Obviously 2 of these would be a deadly disastrous combination – “We got you”, “You shouldn’t have done that to our player” and an occasionally entertaining throw of punches.

Though I complain, I have to admit the watch wouldn’t be a fun occasion if 70 odd people sat peacefully sipping their drinks, with as much interest as Sachin Tendulkar would have in proof reading this post! BUT...then again..”Get a life!”...Well all I can say for now is “Whatever keeps you happy”; as long as it is not in a normal being’s face.

I’ll tell you one thing though, WE won in 1975 and again in 1983 too.. (Go google) J

*FOUNDATION SERIES: A MUST READ for sci-fi lovers.

P.S: Why the heck does WORD check think I would prefer one or three dots instead of 2?..

Shanker